2/24/26
existential dread
We all have it sometimes, but why does it seem to always happen at night? I don't think I'm alone in this. What's so special about nighttime? I understand things are quieter at night and it's one of those times we have an opportunity to reflect on life, but I don't think that's a good enough explanation. I daydream plenty (and even make half-assed attempts to meditate), but I'm not contemplating eternity while the sun's out! Someone needs to do a study on this (let me know if you find one). My hunch is there's a brain chemistry thing going on before sleeping that opens up your mind to thoughts that are normally inhibited during the day.
And it's not just the thought - there's also the physiological response. If I think about dying (and I mean reeeeally think about it) during the day, it doesn't bother me that much. It's as if my response is logical and unfeeling because I've rationalized it in my head so many times before. But thinking about it at night, there have been moments where I get a rush of adrenaline, my stomach drops, and I let out one of those heavy existential sighs that make you shudder. Is it just my response that's different, or am I actually understanding the implications of death on a deeper level at night?
I don't have a good answer for this one, but it was fun to explore.